I heard a dirty rumor that my University of Florida Gators lost their third consecutive game last night. They were saying this hasn’t happened since the late 80s, and these gossip-mongers now have me in a deep, dark funk.
You see, the Gators just don’t lose three in a row. We don’t even lose two in a row. (Heck, we don’t even lose one unless it means we can still somehow manage to win the SEC and vie for the national championship with that one meaningless, regular season loss.)
Why don’t we lose?
We’re Gator Nation, baby, and we. just. don’t. do. it.
Florida State loses, of that we’re sure. Bobby Bowden may be a god to football, but even he was fallible, especially towards the end. (And, the Gators don’t even consider football played south of the Ocala Forest as real pigskin, so please don’t bring up Miami and some obsolete swagger.)
And what about the rest of the SEC? Well, unless your name is Alabama, who we allowed to be ranked #1 pre-season this year–we are gracious Gators after all and don’t mind sharing the spotlight early in the season–we don’t really worry about our lesser SEC foes. (However, on occasion we will root for Steve Spurrier to win a few games; deep down he is a Gator after all. That and Gamecocks are never good enough to be a real threat!)
But the vicious rumor mill works triple time when the University of Florida is involved. Gators seem to have a bright orange and blue target on our backs… that’s just what happens when jealousy is at work, you know.
Lies! Deceit! Hatefulness!
What’s this about Tim Tebow leaving us high and dry and that Urban Meyer has no offense? The entire Gator Nation became Mile High fans (you’re welcome, Denver) and Trey Burton is developing nicely. (John Brantley is just saving a spot for him.)
And what’s this about Chris Rainey threatening girlfriends? (Just hateful rumors from rival fans… they follow Brett Favre everywhere, too, you know.)
So, don’t try to show me the headlines this morning; turn off Sports Center; tell Craig James to keep his big mouth shut and to maybe let former Gator QB Jesse Palmer talk more.
Tell them all to be quiet because I know Gator alumna Erin Andrews will tell me the truth… when she leapt from former University of Florida Dazzler to Dancing with the Stars, the orange and blue never quite washed out. She knows what we all know when these hateful rumors of the Great Gator’s death run rampant… and here it is:
“Wait ’til next year!”
